I really feel stongly that this statement should be shared far and wide!
I’ve wanted to write about this for a while and In a way I’m a little disappointed in myself for waiting until I’d had a baby but it’s something I feel needs to be shouted from the rooftops about and something I had to deal with quite a lot before I got pregnant.
So I had my baby this year at age 35 and apparently that means I’m an ‘old mummy’. I’ve heard this a few times and each time I’m puzzled when people describe others and even themselves as ‘old mummies’. I personally don’t think I’m old and I feel like this year was the perfect time for me and Ed to have our first baby, and yes I say first baby because I’ll probably have more, maybe I’ll be 40 when I have my next one, what will that make me? An ancient mummy?
Anyways, I’m going off piste slightly as what I really wanted to talk about was that age old saying, those words that many people, usually women, mostly family members tend to bring up every time you see them when you’ve passed the age of around 27. When are you going to have a baby? you’ll need to do it soon, your biological clock is ticking.
I mean, WTF! Why do people think it’s ok to ask this question or make this statement? Having a baby is probably one of the biggest life changing experiences that anyone will go through but people still think that it’s ok to question another person on when they will or won’t do it.
We live in a generation now where people are waiting longer to have kids and it’s becoming more of the norm for people to not start families until their 30’s and 40’s but we still seem to get questioned about it constantly! There are also so many reasons why someone may be in their 30’s and not have children, some of which they may not wish to tell you about when you come at them with your fleeting comments and questions.
If we think about the long list of VERY personal reasons someone may not have children by a certain age, we can surely see why this comment is so inappropriate. Lets take a look shall we.
Reasons why i may not have a baby....
1) I've been trying for weeks, months, years to have a baby and it’s just not happened for us yet due to a number of different reasons.
2) I really want to have children but my partner isn’t ready yet.
3) There are personal medical reasons that mean i cant get pregnant
4) I was pregnant and had a miscarriage early on and haven’t told the world about it as for some reason we don’t tell people when we are pregnant incase the worst happens, but then ironically if the worst does happen and you loose your baby, you have to try and hide this horrific traumatic thing that is happening to you and pretend you are fine so that people are non the wiser.
4) I'm just not ready to have children yet due to any number of personal reasons that I might want to keep private
5) I've decided that I don’t ever want to have children
6) I haven’t found the right person to have children with yet.
There are probably many more that could be added to this list, but as I write this the one thing that is glaringly obvious is how personal all of these things are, these are things that you might not want to and definitely shouldn’t have to explain to anyone that feels they have the right to bring up your ‘biological clock’.
So let’s do ourselves a favour and share this statement.
‘It is NEVER ok to tell someone their biological clock is ticking.‘
And to be honest it’s not really ok to question anyone on when they will have babies as you never truly know what’s going on in another persons life.
So, if you got this far, well done and thanks for listening, and i hope reading this helps anyone that can relate to these sort of comments :)